Sebuah Nama

Miya, nama yang dulu sering kudengar di saat aku tertidur. Dia datang di setiap mimpi-mimpi indahku, namun mimpi-mimpi itu sering kulupakan, karena aku tak ingin dibuai oleh mimpi yang semu. Aku ingin ia selalu ada di sampingku, setia menemaniku di saat aku tenggelam dalam kesedihan, atau mengingatkanku di saat aku lupa akan segalanya. Tapi kini yang kutahu ia hanyalah sebuah dongeng masa lalu yang akan terlupakan. Ia telah pergi dari sampingku. Aku menyadari jika sebenarnya aku tak pernah mengenal dirinya. Aku sadar jika aku telah menyakiti dirinya. Aku tak pernah menyelam ke dalam hatinya yang terdalam, namun setidaknya ia pernah menghangatkan jiwaku, walau hanya sesaat.

Satu Kata untuk Dunia

Sering kudengar di telingaku pertanyaan, apakah itu cinta?  Pertanyaan yang selalu datang dari orang lain atau mungkin juga datang dari diriku sendiri. Dari pertanyaan itu pula muncul orang-orang yang memberikan jawaban dengan kata-kata mereka sendiri. Aku pun memiliki kata-kataku sendiri, tapi hingga saat ini aku tak menemukan apa-apa, hanya ribuan pertanyaan yang tak terjawab. Sama seperti saat aku berada dalam sebuah kubah besar yang menutupi pandanganku ke langit yang luas. Aku tak mengerti apa pun, bahkan tak mengerti pada diriku sendiri.

A Note From The Heart #1

I’m glad to know everything of your sadness,
every story of regret, pain, and madness,
But I can only breathe every word you’ve said,
and falling into affection that I have made.

Say out loud to never let your heart down,
Like the dark that comes in every dawn,
The past is just a story of a past,
In front of you there will be love ever last.

Don’t sad, don’t cry in the moment of try,
Life is just a road full of denial,
but don’t deny anything in your heart,
or every little thing will make you hurt.

So, please let me help you to erase all,
and catch you away from the deepest fall,
Even I can’t get into the deep of you,
Just because I want to see blissfully you.

March 2nd, 2005

hear my voice when I’m dreaming tonight
hoping there will be you inside
we are together in the silence night
looking at the star and the night sky

are you inside my mind now?
will you come into my dream?
will the future brings you to me?
there’s no answer actually

my mind walks all around the city
my head can’t stand facing the reality
my skin is full of burning sand
my eyes see but not understand
I’ve lost beyond my own imagination

we are in a flow of longest river
far away from the seashore
so long we will be waiting to get there
I think it’s gonna be forever

Untitled

If you feel lonely from the start,
or there’s so much miseries in your heart,
let me feel everything inside of you,
and have all blissfully life to go through.

With Love…

No one could understand this thought and feeling,
Unsolved my heart and reveal its meaning,
Key to the real love is not in my view,
A secret word from the depth I think is you,

Why I could not stand this confusing emotion,
In my mind which consist of fully hesitation,
Time will not say anything that I want,
Hopes and fears about you that I had never won,

Let me find the way rising like the sun,
Or living in hell but chasing all the fun,
Valediction I would not to say if I want starting new,
Erase all my doubt and fill my heart with you.

Despair

Let me fall in a well, let me breath the air,
Place me in the hell, place me in despair,
Please break my heart, please kill my heart,
As whenever you will, as whatever you feel,

Look into my eyes, my tears are not the lies,
Touch my cold ears, feel all of my fears,
Just stab my deep, just slap me in my sleep,
Don’t let me dream, don’t listen my scream,
Let me fall, let me to lose all.

19 Mei 2008

Pikiran

Segala sesuatu yang terjadi pada diri kita adalah karena diri kita sendiri. Kita begitu banyak ‘menciptakan’ sesuatu yang ‘buruk’ di dalam diri kita dan kadang menganggapnya sebagai ulah orang lain. Padahal diri kitalah yang sebenarnya ‘menciptakan’ keburukan-keburukan itu. Pikiran kitalah yang menciptakan semuanya itu.

091105, At Night

Do you know when the rain begins to fall?
And when the rain will say the end for all?
Do you know where i could get a greatest day?
And where miracles come everyday?
Do you know when and do you where?
But, there’s only one thing that i only know,
there’s light after thousands of shadows,
and shadow after the day of tomorrow,
everything ends now.

My Dear Friends

my dear friends,
there’s no wave could wipe out our land,
the land of hopes with the white sand,
it’s strong, ‘cause we built it together,
together with the brightest sky,

my dear friends,
there’s no wind could blow our dreams,
the greatest dreams we have made ever,
our dreams, the beautiful dreams and hopes,
in those dreams we build our hopes.

my dear friends,
there’s no fire could burn our soul,
even the wildest desire wildly controls,
the spirit of our heart, the spirit of all,
all for one, one for all.

Changing

everything is changing,
love becomes hate,
hate becomes love,
I don’t understand,
which one is real.

yesterday I saw love,
today I see anger,
tomorrow there will be,
a broken heart.

everything is changing,
stone becomes sand,
sand becomes dust.
I don’t know,
who to trust.

everybody knows,
noone can be here always,
‘cause there is a start,
and then there will be,
a new start from a finish.

Fake

I’m just like the closed door,
no one could see me, when I soar,
or miracles maybe behind the floor,
and no answer could get out more.

I’m just like the seashore’s sand,
whoever wants to shake my hand,
they will feel like in enchanting hell,
not become good even very well.

I’m just like harvest time,
farmer is already have the sign,
they are waiting for future,
then time comes with torture.

I’m just like a classic music,
it makes heart become a magic,
the melodies fly over heart’s nest,
its beauty took away the mess.

I’m just like a dying candle,
no more time for feeling sorry,
no more time for winning a glory,
‘cause the breath I take, just a fake.

Lost

Walking around the grave yard,
makes me think life is so hard,
feel I was dead and live again,
I know miracle has come again.

My world is behind the light,
where’s the snow seems black,
and the shadows are around,
now I can feel this mortality.

When the night brings light,
bodies lying under the rain,
the wind makes ruin,
and then he blows the world,
now I’m standing on nothing.

Far Away

I don’t remember when,
the last time I heard your voice,
I’ve been covered by the darkness,
black in my eyes called as the blindness,
Now I’m screaming in the silence,
No one could hear me, in patience,
Like I can’t hear you anymore.

I can only hear the sound of the wind,
It’s cold, and makes a deep suffering,
It passes through my throat and lung,
then my blood and my brain,
I wish to be far, away from this pain,
and shall find you through the black rain.

I know my time is running out,
when the days keep changing, while I’m not,
I hate my self ‘cause feeling alone,
far away from my own.

A Sinner

I’ve derailed from your way,
from the right way, again and again,
I can’t bargain, surely I can’t,
I don’t know what I should tell to you,
If I’m a sinner, singing a sin for you,
you know the universe, future and reverse,
you know beyond my mind, all that’s not mine,
you know me more than my self,
that you can’t help,
you know everything, lasting,
and I’m just nothing.

I don’t know where I should go,
when I’m staring at the sun,
my eyes become ashes, I can’t run,
when I’m looking to the edge,
I feel scared, and dust of misery in my head,
there’s no place for me, inside or outside,
‘cause you are everywhere,
in every side, every place for me to hide,
you are everywhere, in the light,
as the start and the end,
my life comes to an end.

When Love is Not Love

~ 1 ~
What is love when you do know nothing,
They said love is hurt like cut by a knife,
But, only your heart will say everything,
More love to be felt, more love in this life,
As the time’s running that never stop,
Love sometimes becomes the untrue,
But when you are standing on the top,
You would see which one is true,
Love is such as everything in our heart,
A feeling of warm and cold place inside,
Likely when we fall and feel to be apart,
Love is still inside even when you want to hide,
So, what is love when you don’t understand
Would you like to love even for bitter end?

~ 2 ~
You know love would say the truth,
Even when you take its pain more than ever,
And there’s always a way to put you into,
In love and your beloved beside you forever,
But when love makes you want to cry,
Let the tear falls like leaves fall in the yard,
And love is still the way that make you fly,
The only way even you know it’s hard,
Would you sing your love song in this far,
Let us begin to sing when the days start,
But your love has made this deep scar,
It hurts my heart when I begin to fall apart,
Do you know what love is mean to me?
It is your love that I always want to see.

~ 3 ~
Where is the love when my heart cries,
If the love has put me into this sadness,
But when I know love has all of the lies,
I’m confused into this kind of madness,
I do least expect the love will love me,
As I expect the sky will never be blue,
Sometimes the love is far across the sea,
But still to be something near on my view,
I can’t see the love, ’cause I’m just blind,
When I want someone hold me in this cold,
If I try to find something that I can’t find,
But I find the love that I want to hold,
Where is the love that all I want,
If there’s you, someone to be the one.

~ 4 ~
Inside of joy and sorrow from our beloved,
Is in the misery where I can feel on this way,
When the love has been moved or removed,
In the end, tears and wounds I would like to say,
I’m dying because love is never been seen,
And I’m the one who lose my soul, then die,
If I’m here, kneel on my pain, and own this keen,
And I will know, if the love is true or just a lie,
Maybe I will find the answer, or new question,
About how deep the love loves me,
And how I die on my last temptation,
What love will say if I do not believe,
There’s a lot of nothing I would receive.

~ 5 ~
Love has told me an unfinished story,
Left me behind so I have no destination,
If my love has taken my glorious glory,
Where I can find my self in this confusion,
Maybe I deserve to be left by the sun,
Regretting all that I have done in the past,
But, I’m standing here, don’t want to run,
Believing in love shall stand till the last,
Where I have to go if I have no place to go to,
If I lose my self, or losing my mind,
Shall I have the love that loves me too,
And still believe everything will be fine,
But what I have seen with my eyes,
The love is cold, like amount of ice.

~ 6 ~
Love is about giving all of your heart,
Even something that you don’t possess,
If love is such kind of everlasting art,
You would say nothing to be confessed,
Because love is love, the true of mind,
And there’s a word from the believer,
It is love from the deepest to find,
It is love as the everlasting art forever,
When love has the true love inside you,
And you have the brightest star to reach,
Love shall find you on the heaven’s view,
With love and beloved, as you are the rich,
Love is still the pure, the true word,
Love is about being the truth in this world.

~ 7 ~
Shall the love give me the eternal joy,
Or I will be the one who lives in despair,
Maybe my life will be ended like city of Troy,
As my heart will be disappear in the air,
The last thing I know, love is a great fire,
Burning me into the story of the hopeless,
But love is not to be my last desire,
Or someone without love, called the homeless,
Oh, love, nothing I’ve seen inside you,
’cause I’m in the outside, waiting still,
But in the day of me to understand you,
I’ll build my heart as strong as the steel,
This is the far I know, not understand well,
If I’m wrong, don’t let me fall into this hell.

~ 8 ~
What would you say when your love’s gone,
Would you just run away without a destination,
Or ready to understand why do you love someone,
Then you know, it’s about having the real emotion,
Not real, but real as the summer’s morning,
And love as the storyline of your fate,
The story of the dawn and the evening,
As time goes by, it’s a about story of your hate,
Where’s the true emotion in this faded sky,
In confusion, I can’t see myself in the mirror,
Seconds, minutes and hours, I don’t know why,
Asking why love is near the whisper of terror,
Untill the last, no more question needs the answer,
But in the end, love is something I want to remember.

Unreachable Love

Why love becomes my sad story,
As you turn your face away from me,
Maybe I’m the one without perfection,
In your eyes I’m just a wrong direction.

Let me know why your love that such hard,
Like when I’m walking through a blizzard,
Tell me why you do refuse my deep emotion,
Just tell me if I’m in your deliberation.

If there’s no love for me right now,
Maybe tomorrow you’ll show me how,
Or I will be waiting till I know,
How to show you love that you never know.

Unintended Love

I knew love works on unpredictable way,
’cause now there’s no words that I’ve to say,
for my desirable of the undesirable view,
If I can only stare at the beautiful of you.

It’s hard to say if I don’t feel this kind of mess,
As I feel my heart is for you, not for someone else,
If this is wrong for me to have this feeling,
So this is right for everyone who seeks for failing .

I can only say if you are my unintended love,
Love that arises from my doubtful heart,
But if this love was not only an ordinary love,
I would put you into the deepest of my heart.

Love At The Night’s Fall

Just say that love would come late
At the dawn love becomes hate
What is love if then love is faded
Would love be the same as hatred

I don’t know love as they say
About the love is the right way
But sometimes love hides from all
When love comes at the night’s fall

At Somewhere

If it is true there’s no love
A feeling that grows inside the nerve
Then why I’m still waiting here
Alone standing beside my fear

It’s all about if at somewhere
At a place I don’t really care
Someone is waiting just like me
She is the light that I wanna see

Want You To Be Here

I feel a smile in the face of a rose and jasmine so close
I knew the smile in your face like the moonlight near my nose
Your lip is red, like red wine that I have drunk in coldest morning
And your eyes show me how to love and to enjoy this lovely spring
Warmed by my arms, or without my arms I’m still feeling warm
Like the sun heats my soul when I’m getting colder in darkest hole
I knew you are my sun or my place where I’m going to run
You are everything in my mind, you are the closest place of mine
If you understand or know me well, you know when I feel unwell
Let me cry on your shoulder and be the last place to go to
Be my angel or my wish, or my hope in my desperately despair
Every word you have said is the word I want to hear
I just want you to hold me tight, I just want you to be here

You

There’s a ton of shadows on my shoulder.
They change my thought while I’m getting older.
I have a lot of work that I have to do,
the reason to take them all I think is you.

There’s a lot of insanity in my mind,
when I’m think that you could not be mine.
I don’t know when I start thinking about you,
the only one in my heart I hope is you.

I won’t surrender with this fate,
’cause I believe there’s always a faith.
When I get down I’m feeling empty,
but I’m sure you will be here beside me…

When You Say You Love Me

When you say you love me, the world goes brighter than my brightest day
so much light even the sunlight that warms my heart and my body,
could not touch my deepest inside just like you touch my skintenderly
My heart’s beating like the greatest symphony of a shiny morning rarely to see
The birds are singing under blue sky, they sing a song about your love to me

When you say you love me, I feel I’ve left my misery into a burningfire
And when I know your are the only one, also the only my life’sdesire,
I know you are the one who always caress my tears when I deeply cry
or someone who never let me fall into sadness, either fall from thehighest sky

When you say you love me, I feel I’m the man who possess all part of the world
as I’m the part of your heart, and your heart is part of me that I want to hold
Maybe the time would like to stop when your lip touch my lip softly
and when I sleep I wish my dream is about you, who loves me deeply

When you say you love me, I believe you are my angel who alwaysbeside me
Neither the death nor the fate shall separate us, but shall make you close to me
If I were losing you, maybe I would die here because nobody cares
In my heart you are my love that till the end can not be compared

When you say you love me, you know that I will say the same to you
I will be the same man who love you eternally, since today until the end

Without Your Love

You know I’m the man without perfection,
but always want to fix the wrong direction,
If I have the choices to choose in my deliberation,
I will choose the easiest way of my destination.

Maybe it’s hard to make you love me deeply,
It’s hard to imagine if someone cares about me
but I’m still having my hope, a small hope at least
as I change my last destination is resting in peace

You know I’m the man with doubtful mind,
As long as I go, as far as I walk, I would never be fine.
If you have known what my heart says tonight,
Mightbe you would be here, beside me, is that right?
But you are there, and I’m here in despair,
I just can only breathe this poisonous air.

What life would be if this life without your love?
There would be me without knowing you, my love.
I would never have this sadness to say to you,
I would never have this poem to write for you,
I would be a man without confession of this truth,
I would be nothing.

About Me And You

What’s the meaning of my dreams,
Especially when I dream about you,
Is this the sign if my heart screams,
It screams loudly because of you.
If I have told you everything inside,
Anything that I could not hide,
Maybe I want to start something new,
Something beautiful about me and you.

Unfaithful

When love hides behind the lie,
and the truth has been denied.
It would be love with a deep pain,
because love has been put in vain.

There’s no love when heart lies,
and a sad song something to be cried.
Love exists only when heart says the truth,
and there’s always something to be proved.

There’s nothing to be afraid,
when love is still has its own shade.
Only you don’t know when it will be broken,
because unfaithful words that you’ve taken.

It’s hurt when you know everything,
also knowing all miserable things.
Let this unfaithful story to be forgotten,
but love still to be something forgiven.

The Life

If today is the last day of the world,
shall I just go straight to the hell,
when I can’t find the perfect word,
to describe this feeling of unwell.
I look at the sky, it’s getting dark lately,
The light has gone behind the darkness,
I am totally blind as my heart can’t see,
In this world, I’m just hoping the emptiness.
As I know, my lovely day has passed away,
Now, sadness has taken my beautiful morning,
This painful feeling is still coming everyday,
It’s killing me from the inside of everything.
No, I don’t want to feel this,
All I want is to feel my own bliss.

The End

this is the time when all that we have will disappear
this is the end of the days those have passed away
there’s nothing for us just the death lays beneath
all of your hopes become useless and worthless gift
and you can only wait till the dawn says farewell
the sun sets in the early stage of life and he shows the hell

fear is around the tears and tears came from the fears
you are smelling blood in the air, but feel thirsty in despair
then you feel deserve to die, die with a grasp of sorrow
you lay beneath the ground with dead leaves on your face
no more thing that you should think furthermore
just looking for a place where you can put your grace
but there’s something still remain in the crowd
it is a memory of uncertain life, but you still to be proud

when you feel alive you know you are alive
but you know you are alive when your heart’s cut by a knife
you know it’s a pain, a deepest pain but worth to learn
then you sleep in madness and count what you have earned
fully sadness in mind but still learning inside
lose everything but still standing in the outside
you realize your life is a mess but you try to fixed it
everything changes but could not be changed well
you want to fix it but die before it’s fixed, it’s still unwell
and you feel your whole life is gone, improperly gone
then miserably paralyzed and surely go down
you think, this is the end of everything, but it’s not the end

Sound of Loneliness

Sadly morning’s face with a sound of loneliness,
slowly crawling in the dark, it’s found in this emptiness.
you think that you have thought all, but uncertain,
when deceitful enemies confuse your move and your brain.

a candle gives half of light but light of an empty hope
but hope strangles your neck by the strongest rope
sadly passing through the day with paralyzed mind
you are loking for heaven, but surely you can not find

I’ve heard a sound in this loneliness, in this emptiness
The sound of the peaceful mind, hides behind the darkness
I open the door of my heart to erase all of my memories
I don’t want to be bound in these insanities

Sorry

may be I’m a man without perfection,
may be I will be the same with the night,
but I’m still having something inside,
something that more than lovely words.

may be I’m a man without heart,
may be I’m the only one that hurt you,
but there’s nothing I can hide from you,
that I’m not gonna live my life without you.

sorry when I put the pain on you,
sorry when I change my self,
sorry when I think I gonna leave you,
and sorry when you won’t forgive me.